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. Not that I’m shy but in my mid 30’s I’ve learned a few things and since I’d blown my chance by hesitating, I knew if there was a next move, it had to come off naturally.I noticed her head turn towards me as I kept her in my peripheral, she spoke softer this time... “You know where I can pick up some green?” Looking the way I do, I’ve been asked this many times before. I always wondered if it was because of that, or if the same people would honestly just ask anyone?Holding back smiling I responded, “Why are you asking me, because I’m black? She started stammering at record pace and I quickly interrupted, “I’m just fucking with ya. I just picked up, if you wanna get off at my stop I can give you a bud.” I said smiling warmly but not creepily.“No, you don’t have to do that”“It’s cool. I’ve been there.” I hate to see people go without bud. I really do.As we stepped off the train, I told her we could walk to the exit and I’d dig it out of my back pack. She told me this was her stop but. My ears ring with the silence. I think sometimes that I hear your voice, beckoning to me. Though it was not. You are gone from my spell. You broke the trance and escaped my curious hands.I pull the covers back over my head in an attempt to find shelter from the pain and responsibility outside my door. My foot will not even touch the cold wooden floor, for fear that the creaking of old wooden boards would be the apparition of you as you walked nakedly, on tip toes across my room. My mind is tortured by the thoughts I have. The things I would whisper into your ear in the choicest of moments. The look on your face as you let your body give way to the convulsing throes of climax. The scenes are burned into my psyche and I crave their oddity and wonder. Cleanse me of this imprint though I want to revel there. Cleanse me of my own desire.Even now I cannot escape the internal strife. The most intense pleasure has given way to the most solemn low. Oh honest and true love, without the dark.
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